Cartoon Central

Doing research for this site I randomly stumble across some pretty interesting, pretty funny articles. Today, I just so happened to stumble across a little Question and Answer segment on MSNBC that someone actually asked what they could do for their body considering that they are literally shaped like SpongeBob SquarePants. Absolutely no waist, just a round mid-section.

Children will recognize his voice as Mermaid Man in the popular “SpongeBob SquarePants” series and movies.

Seems to me, anyone willing to squeeze themselves into the machine for a stuffed SpongeBob Squarepants should be able to take it home. But I guess he does have a story to tell, how many people can say they were in a vending machine?

Wow, a sure sign of a closet case self loather if you ask me. WTF did SpongeBob ever do to you ya fraggin bully. Pick on someone your own density dammit. Wow talk about useless crusades. As confused as the whole thing is, what do they hope to accomplish by beating up the equivalent of a hand puppet eh? I hope Mr. Rogers goes medieval on your asses!

I find myself sitting here, watching SpongeBob SquarePants. What does that tell you about my day today?

If you haven’t seen the SpongeBob SquarePants movie, you must. One word: 13-foot-David-Hasselhoff-with-yak-hair-cutting-through-the-ocean-like-a-speedboat. And SpongeBob’s line: “I RODE the Hasselhoff!”

I’ve never sat through an entire episode of SpongeBob SquarePants; it’s mind-numbingly banal. So I don’t know if this comment applies:

I've been in Gitmo for over a year now and am starting to pressure the powers that be to get me back to the States to a position at SOUTHCOM. I've blogged about the headache of being here in terms of isolation and not being as good as life in the States (there are some definite financial pros however). You'll sometimes hear someone throw around the phrase "At least it's not Iraq" as a reminder that although it's not the States it's not nearly as bad as others have it. Sure, our movie theatre is outdoors and so old you often can't understand a word of what's going on (which may be a plus because I'll never understand why those who select the movies we screen choose the movies they do -- I think two months of non-stop screenings The Spongebob Squarepants Movie was only done to torture us) and the NEX never seems to have the items everyone wants (and yet we still buy bad DVDs for $26 a pop because we're bored) and our $90 a month internet crawls along at dial-up speeds but there's one positive that always stands out for everyone: we're not being shot at.

Lastly, for all the people asking where I got the Spanish version of the SpongeBob SquarePants theme, you can download it here.

According to this one and other articles I've read it has in part, SpongeBob SquarePants to thank for it. The popularity of SpongeBob Slurpees and a surge in gasoline sales have helped the convenience-store chain post a couple of it's best quarters in years.

Being childless as I am, I rarely partake of children’s shows. By “children’s shows,” I mean real children’s shows, like “Dora The Explorer,” “Higglytown Heroes” (though I dig the They Might Be Giants theme song), and the like. I watch supposed kid’s shows like “Spongebob Squarepants” all the time, because I love cartoons (especially cartoons with absolutely no point or moral message that exist solely as brain candy), but the hardcore kid shows almost always drive me insane. You can only take so many cutesy life lessons before you want to cleanse your ears with atomic cotton swabs.

went to airport last night to pick up my sister. she bought me a spongebob squarepants boxer while on vacation. maybe i’ll pick up more chicks after wearing this. ha ha ha.

…I’ve already spoken with Dr. James Dobson of Focus on the Family, and he intends to throw the full weight of his organization behind the stance that scientists are trying to use King Tut to promote homosexuality. You’ll remember that Dr. Dobson was able to successfully insinuate that Spongebob Squarepants is queer, in much the same way that Jerry Falwell was able to knock Tinky Winky out of the closet. Well – it’s high time that Pat Robertson step up to the plate and contribute to the paranoia. Get it in the news, folks: “King Tut...

And welcome back to Mr. Gay TV Icon, Spongebob Squarepants, who begins his (its?) trimphant fourth season tonight at 8:30 p.m. on Nickelodeon. In tonight's two-part episode, Spongebob is abducted by terrorists, must diffuse a 20 megaton nuclear device and has oral sex with "Alias" star Jennifer Garner. (Or was that the plot of last week's "24?" I always get those two shows confused...)

A national cultural crisis erupted recently as Jim Dobson’s Focus on the Family warned that SpongeBob Squarepants is gay and thus could lead to terrible consequences for our nation’s youth. A lot of this resulted from various misunderstandings on the part of FoF’s crack investigators, but it really boiled down to their view that tolerance, acceptance, and a realistic view of the types of people that exist in the world are simply not the sorts of things we should teach our children.

If you’re not familiar with these guys I highly recommend checking them out, they’re still relatively unknown save for their two tracks that appear in the film “Garden State” (”Caring Is Creepy” and “New Slang”) and their inclusion on the “Spongebob Squarepants Movie” soundtrack (”They’ll Soon Discover”).

In an act of synchronicity, Jeff Babb left a comment on an old post here, inviting me to join him and a bunch of old friends in some online Halo 2 mayhem. Sadly, I haven’t even managed to get through Halo 2’s single-player version yet, despite getting the game back in December. I lack not the desire but the time. I’ve barely touched the Xbox here other than to help my son Marty through some tough spots in the Shrek 2 or Spongebob Squarepants: Battle for Bikini Bottom games.

The case of Miguel De La Torre from Hope College is a lucid example. The short of it is that Hope is a conservative Christian school in the Reformed tradition and De La Torre is certainly Christian, but not conservative or very reformed. Particularly upsetting to Hope Donors (and hence Hope's president) was his SpongeBob SquarePants op-ed piece (reg. req) where he poked fun at the Religious Right and James Dobson in particular (raising that thorny cultural issue of tolerance towards gays and lesbians). De La Torre has published 8 (scholarly books)...

If you’re looking for all things SpongeBob, the SpongeBob Information Site is one of the best resources available on the Internet! This site provides a consolidated listing of the best Internet locations dedicated to SpongeBob in one easy to navigate location at http://www.myshoppingbox.com/spongebob. You can save yourself tons of research time by using this one location as a guide through the plethora of other sites that provide information on Bikini Bottom’s most famous resident - sites that sell SpongeBob merchandise and more!

I have seen a LOT of critics' takes on this flick. They absolutely worry themselves to death over the "sexual content", the violence, the adult situations, and all kinds of things that adults worry about. The particular critique I linked to mentions it's a movie supposed to appeal to 2 to 11 year olds. I don't agree with that. This is a movie designed to appeal to 2 to 5 year olds. It has lots of action, lots of color, and lots...

Before I dive into this controversy, let me make one thing clear: I think Spongebob Squarepants is weird and irritating. But that has nothing to do with his sexual orientation.

Did the mainstream media misrepresent Dr. Dobson? Probably. I don't believe Dobson ever actually said Spongebob Squarepants was gay. But as a professional humor writer, I can't be upset with columnists who allowed themselves a little poetic license here. When radicals on either side of the spectrum start getting their panties in a bunch over sex and cartoon characters, they're feeding us with material.

When I started blogging about this incident, my plan was to slam Dr. Dobson for claiming Spongebob Squarepants was gay. I now do believe that Dobson said no such thing. And there is something else I believe.

Why is it such a struggle? One reason is how heavily unhealthy foods are marketed to children. Not only do food items bear the likenesses of such popular kid cartoons as SpongeBob SquarePants and Shrek, advertising for these same food items reaches kids just about everywhere.

About 1.5 million toy fishing poles featuring the cartoon characters SpongeBob Squarepants, Dora the Explorer, Tigger and the cast of “Rocket Power” are being recalled because their paint contains lead, the government said Wednesday.

There are some seriously cool games in here, especially the spongebob squarepants one!